Change Your Brain Now

Life is complicated.  It is not easy, smooth, or even consistently comprehensible.  However, as frustrating as it may be, it is wonderful.  The world has infinite possibilities for everyone, even when things seem hopeless.  No one person has all the answers to living a happy life, but each individual has something to share.  Whether young or old, every person has learned something in their life that they can offer as advice to others. 

Can you pinpoint the pivotal time in your life when you became an adult? For me, it was when I finally left my home to go traveling.

The idea of making money online is one that’s very appealing to most people. It conjures up images of making hundreds of dollars a day while sleeping or relaxing on the beach on a Monday morning. It’s  the idea of making money online 24/7 - independent of their time  that appeals to most people.

This article was inspired by Steve Jobs’ commencement speech at Stanford University. In it, he says the advice we’ve all heard a thousand times:  “You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.

Some days, lessons come from the most unexpected sources. And usually, these kinds of “eye-opening” experiences are the most transformative. Such was the experience one day – some 25 years ago.

I asked Brett Newmeyer, a 55-year old single friend of mine, to tell us what he thinks about male-female friendships.  Here are his thoughts:

2012 is almost over and what a crazy year it has been! At the end of the year comes the beginning of a new year, and with the beginning of a new year comes the beginning of a new set of goals. At the beginning of a new set of goals comes the opportunity to live a more satisfying, successful and happy life, and it’s how you treat this process that will influence your success in the coming year.

I have been writing something about myself or my everyday for almost 2 years now. It has been one of greatest and most freeing experiences in my life because I can actually slow myself down to think about what’s truly happening around me as well as my part in it.

Steve Jobs was not just a visionary genius, but a man with an incredible passion for innovation, and a man who changed the world as we knew it. His lust for life was so huge that he used to look at his reflection in the mirror each morning and say to himself: “If today was the last day of my life would I want to do what I’m about to do today?”

Now I thought I would share with you 13 of my favorite quotes about change. For me, each of these quotes manages to succinctly capture a powerful insight into change. Enjoy!

In today’s society, everyone is trying to either make more money, lose a few pounds around the waist, or simply just get ahead of the pack. It seems we’re always striving for some sort of new goal. But in many cases, what is lacking is one vital element… the inner confidence to do it.

“You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result.” – Mahatma Ghandi

“Your life speaks. You have to learn to listen.” – Iyanla VanZant Just 15 years ago, if you had asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have told you that I would be a professional musician.

Any successful person you meet will have a story of failure to tell you, and actually probably more than one. What separates the truly successful from those who skate by in life is not just what they learn from those failures well after they happen, but also how they handle those failures as they happen. These are delicate situations that can literally make or break a person’s life for a long time to come.

Consider these scenarios and the similarities in them: You keep eating healthy food during the week but when the weekend comes, you diet mainly consists of junk food You wake up early during the weekdays, but on weekends you tend to wake up late, thus losing your productivity You have implemented a healthy habit of drinking water while you work, but you “forget” this habit when it’s the weekend

As a recovering type A personality, I wish control worked. And it does, sometimes. But there’s always at least one area of life that cannot be tamed. You’re happily married but have health issues. Or you’re financially stable but struggling with fertility. You have fulfilling work but no life partner. Nothing ever goes our way entirely, and that can become a great doorway for transformation.

Not many people like to compromise, and why should they? A compromise means two people need to exchange something, but one or both can’t easily come to an agreement. Whether it’s negotiating a work-related partnership or negotiating who will do the dishes at home, we want things to work out in our favor.

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” – George Bernard Shaw Some people would rather hack off a limb than change their mind.

Life is grand, full of magic, hope and possibility. However, sometimes it’s hard to see how lucky and fortunate we are to be here. We get so caught up in our daily stresses that we completely forget how awe-inspiring and miraculous living really is. We go through the motions, get in a rut and are busy putting out one fire after the next in an attempt to keep our lives in balance.

I’ve been a Dad now for 18 years! Yippee! Yeah, 42 year old men can, and do, say yippee. I have 2 beautiful and smart daughters that are full of good moral and quality character. I couldn’t be more proud. Fatherhood is an awesome journey for me. As the journey continues with my “girls” entering adulthood, I sometimes sit and think about how I’ve raised them and if I did a good enough job.

At the beginning of this year, I quit my job to found a startup. For months, I’ve worked tirelessly to make the startup grow and launch successful projects. And just as the startup is starting to take off in the eyes of the public, I decided to take a step back and spend more time on new projects.

Monique sent us a kaleidoscope. But it wasn’t the beautiful, smoothly-sanded wood or the delicate glass end piece that moved us. It was the note in the box.

I struggled with low self-esteem for most of my life. When I was young, most of the feedback I got from my mother was “You could do better”. If I got a ‘B’ on my report card I was told “You could do better”. It didn’t matter what household chore: dusting, washing dishes, cleaning my room. It was always “You could do better” followed by a series of corrections. Sometimes her reaction was “Can’t you do anything right?”

“Sometimes success is due less to ability than to zeal” – Charles Buxton Aikido changed my life. When I first started, I was hesitant and scared. I had trained in martial arts before, but I’d always had a mental block that held me back from giving it everything I had. I constantly looked to my trainer (or Sensei) for approval. I thought and sometimes asked: Is this okay? Am I doing this right? Should I change something?

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Jesus Christ Do you often find yourself worrying a lot? If so, you are not alone. I used to be a big time worrier. I would worry constantly about things that would usually never happen. Time and time again it has happened to me.

Change is inevitable. No matter what you do, you will, at some point (and probably at many points) experience change. Whether it’s good or bad, you will have to deal with it and, even when change is a good thing, you might find it difficult to accept it.

During my childhood, I always kept a few albums and a record player in my bedroom. I even sang in choir during grade school and junior high. Still, music never really played a fundamental role in my life. In fact, it took decades before music changed my mind.

“If you follow the things that make you happy, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living.” – Joseph Campbell

I have an admission to make: I am a man. The reason this will matter is I am about to talk about the pain of childbirth. What could a man possibly know about it, right? So I have a request: give me the benefit of the doubt for now.

Has your jealousy ever turned you into someone you barely recognize in the mirror? Whether it was towards a co-worker who got the promotion didn’t get, the jealousy between siblings or the jealousy brewing within a relationship, jealousy is something everyone has experienced in their life. I thought my jealousy was going to completely ruin my relationship. However, I never thought I’d be grateful for my jealousy in the long run.

Organize your desk? Be a better listener at work? Find someone to help you  find your passion in life ? Every month or so I wake up and remember that my life can use more improvement. I don’t want you to think that I’m unhappy. Far from it. My life is better than I ever expected. But I don’t want to stand still. I want to move forward, challenge myself, and improve my life. If I don’t, what kind of example do I set for my clients?

“Every choice before you represents the universe inviting you to remember who you are and what you want.” ~ Alan Cohen I used to have a list. He had to be tall. He definitely had to be smart. He had to have brown hair and blue eyes, hmmm.. I guess dark eyes are also OK. The list went on and on. I had many relationships where I tried to stick as close as possible to this list, most of which didn’t last for more than a few months. But then, I seemed to hit the jackpot.

I have a confession to make. I haven’t always been a big picture thinker. I wasn’t always proactive. I haven’t always had aspirations to change the world. Rewind 7 years, and I was just another dumb kid coasting along in life. I had no long-term plan in mind, no money, and all I thought about was how long I was going to be able to play video games that day.

“I expected more from you Trudy Murphy”  – Mrs Matthews Mrs Matthews was my favourite school teacher. She was a short, buxom woman with a really kind disposition and smiley brown eyes. I loved being in her class and tried so hard to do well on my assignments for her. But during the year Mrs Matthews was my teacher, my best friend moved away and I started hanging out with a whole new crowd of friends.

Have you ever been inside a prison? Have you ever felt the anxiety of doors clanging shut behind you? Even as a regular visitor into prisons I often feel the anxiety and claustrophobia. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be an inmate… Johannesburg Correctional Services, fondly known as Sun City by inmates and warders alike, is one of the prisons where I am involved in a rehabilitation program. (For my overseas readers, Sun City is a popular holiday and conference resort boasting a game reserve, a man-made beach, two golf-courses and much more)

“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.” – Steve Maraboli We all know the saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Usually it is said to us by a well meaning friend when we are at the end our rope and it is supposed to make us feel better. Sometimes maybe it works and sometimes we may just want to roll our eyes and pull the covers back over our heads.

Do you have any friends who complain nonstop about their jobs, but never do anything to improve their situation? I used to be one of those people. I dreamed about starting my own company…wouldn’t it be great if I was my own boss? I could live the way I wanted! Create value for the world!…

“The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.” ~ Ram Dass A clear mind is one of the most beautiful things you can have. A clear mind means there is no more tumult in your mind and clarity is the result of an aware control of your thoughts. In general there are two understandings of clarity. The first is the more practical side of a clear mind which means your thoughts are very focused on one single thing and not confused and disturbed, just clear.

People deal with stress and emotional pain in many ways.  I’m one of those people who slaps on a happy face and tries to face it head on, alone.  That doesn’t mean I bury my emotions.  I just don’t like to show people when I’m going through a tough time.  I also get satisfaction out of solving my own problems.  In most cases, I find a workable solution, and the situation resolves itself.